11 Steps to mowing the lawn …

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My lawn has a problem …

Just in case you can’t see what it is, here’s a closer shot …

Yep, I could get hay bales off my lawn if I wanted to. 

You see about four months ago my lawn mower was having a few problems starting and on having a look at it I found that there was this small spring which controls the throttle that needed replacing.  It was probably a 15 cent spring, but at the time I was manic at work and trying to get ready to go overseas and so I figured I’d leave it until I got back …

What I hadn’t counted on was my nephew deciding (much to his credit) to mow my lawn for me whilst I was away and hence to ‘fix’ my lawnmower for me. 

I should point out that my nephew is a teenager, and approached this task with all the gusto, enthusiasm and lack of experience that being a teenager entails.

Here’s basically what happened …

Step one (teen) … get screwdriver and strip down the lawnmower until there is nothing else you can see that might detach …

Step two (teen) … decide that this is a little harder than you thought it might be, so go have a cup of coffee (I’m making this step up, but I think it is a fairly safe assumption given he likes coffee and what happened at step three).

Step three (teen) … forget that you have just stripped down your uncle’s lawnmower and left all the bits scattered around the lawn to fill with rainwater and rust and leave to do something else …

Step four (uncle) … return from holidays; notice how high the lawn has grown and realise that you have to fix your lawnmower and mow it.

Step five (uncle) … Go to lawnmower, find it strewn from one end of your lawn to the other rusting happily away.

Step six (uncle) … Fume, rant and swear about your useless fecking nephew for five minutes and then take a deep breath and get over it.

Step seven (uncle) … Spend a Saturday that you could be out doing something fun, driving around town buying a new lawnmower …

Step eight (uncle): …  and incidentally buying a new spare bed, coffee table, hose holder and bedside lamp.  Make mental note that going shopping with girlfriend is always more expensive and time consuming than going shopping alone (only kidding Kim, honest – I love shopping with you).

Step nine (uncle) … waste 30 minutes taking these photos and doing this blog rather than actually going out to mow the lawn.

Step ten (uncle) … 24 hours later realise that maybe you and your nephew have the same scattiness genes as that lawn still hasn’t been mowed and that new lawnmower is still just sitting out in the backyard.

Step eleven (???) … mow the lawn … well, maybe … someday.


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